Friday Links

Some quick and entertaining links to have fun with. Have alot of fun because eon8 says the world is ending tomorrow.

eon8 (seems to be some kind of countdown to the end of the world, there's a bunch of info on ytmnd)

the most popular picture on Yahoo! today (take your guess as to why...)

bwe blog is chronicling the east coast/west coast rap battle between Star Jones and Barbara Walters. Hint: Star Jones is east coast.

epic windows xp maneuver (ytmnd)


I'll be watching the Mets and Yankees tonight from work (lets go Mets), what are you doing? Leave a comment!

The Game of Life

I live in Connecticut. Wow how amazingly awesome you might say that is. But you’d be wrong, so wrong that I could only think about doing immediate physical harm to you. Sorry but that’s just the way it is.

I’ll describe my life to you. I’m a senior in college. “Good for you!” you say. Well fuck you again. I’m certainly happy that I am where I am, but don’t think it was wonderful getting here. Let’s start with my freshman year in college. I lived, of course, in a dorm. A dorm of all freshmen, a dorm of all attractive and normal guys and girls. All except my roommate.

I remember calling him about two weeks before we moved in three years ago. And he mentioned he was kind of a ‘big kid’. “Oh, so you’re a fat fuck” I thought to myself. And boy was I right. I had never met an unhealthier person in all my years. It was just my fucking luck that out of all the awesome people from my floor that year, I got stuck with him. He smelled awful and had a one shower per two days policy, which he claimed was because he was trying to conserve energy. If you ask me this guy was conserving enough energy on his stomach and thighs to more than make up for four or five showers a day. He also snored; he snored so much that if you didn’t know better you’d swear you were being attacked by a dragon-bear hybrid of some kind. Now if I wasn’t worried about fighting off the dragon-bear that night, I was either studying or drinking. Occasionally drinking by myself because I soon realized that the ‘awesome people from my floor’ were all rip-offs of people I though were left behind in The Real World: Hawaii. Welcome to Connecticut. Life in this dorm was bad enough that I used my brand new calculus book to calculate my chances of surviving a jump from my fourth floor window. Which I believe was built strategically small to prevent me from escaping the dragon-bear and real-worlders.

I became friendly with the kids across the hall. One was this ghetto white kid; the other was someone who was way into computers/gamimg/interneting so he and I clicked pretty well. Unfortunately, this kid had a friend. A friend who I will never be able to forget, except for his name, which I seem to have forgotten right now. This kid had stories, lots and lots of stories. You’d of thought he’d lived four or five times. Twice as Julius Caesar and three times as Napoleon Bonaparte, to have the stories this kid had. However, when I think back into what his stories were I begin to believe that he didn’t have any at all. Rather he just had responded to your stories with something the same, yet superior in some way.

For instance, I once told the story of when I was bit by a snake (which is bullshit, because I was simply testing this kid to see what he said). It was by some strange coincidence of fate that he was not only bitten by a snake, he was bitten by five snakes, all at the same time. This tale eventually turned into that he fell into a snake pit. I never called him on his line of bullshit; I just sat back and enjoyed every second of it.

PS: Yes this is a different writeup than was here earlier this morning, I wasn't really happy with the previous one.

I <3 Link Sharing

Since beginning a link sharing program earlier this week I've seen a decent increase in daily hits which is great. Hence I would encourage anyone who visits this site to check back into the June archives. There's some very funny stuff in there as well as an update almost every single day.

btw, visit The Bestest Blog of All Time and Billboard Lyrics to see some other great blogs.

The Anatomy of a Kennedy

The Kennedy family is one of the few political ‘dynasties’ in American history. The family has been well known in Massachusetts politics since the 1940’s and a prominent force in American politics since the 1960’s with the Presidential election of John F. Kennedy. What makes the members of this family so much more charismatic, charming, and intelligent than your everyday family of powerful politicians? It’s in their anatomy and by that I mean their high cheek bones, ultra furrow brows, and puffy hair that defies all logic. After about 32 hours of research by myself and my colleagues; we have narrowed down four essential anatomical features for all members of the Kennedy family.

1. To be a Kennedy your head must be at least the size of a regulation men’s basketball, no exceptions.

2. Your arms must be robust and strong enough to swim your self out of a submerged car and onto land. Consequently your arms will be so tired afterward that you cannot call the police for ten hours.

3. A Kennedy’s mouth must be large enough to hold both a bottle of Ambient and whiskey at the same time, once again no exceptions. The phrases ‘ummm’ and ‘I’m thinking’ can never be heard from a Kennedy’s mouth as well, instead they will be replaced by ‘errr—a’.

4. A Kennedy’s fingers must be powerful enough to give strong handshakes as well as strike fear into the opposition as you stare down their index finger. Either way, these hotdog-like appendages mean business.

Things That Make You Go >.<

This picture accompanied this Yahoo! article in the evening of June 27th. The caption read,"An obese woman walks in a street in Caen, western France." It made me go '>.<'

Making the '>.<' face is not something I like to do. It's something I hate to do. But it's something I have to do. Making the '>.<' face is something I do when I see something so assinine, so ridiculious and in this case so insanely ugly that making the '>.<' face is the only way that I can keep my brain from making an attempt to escape through my eyes sockets. What makes you go '>.<'...let me know.

Places I've Never Been

There are many places in this world which I would someday like to visit. Australia, Hawaii, and Southern Europe are just a fraction of the places I hope to see in my lifetime. However, there is one place I’d like to visit that many of you probably visited today, maybe even several times today.

I’m talking about the women’s restroom.

Forbidden paradise or my own personal hell? I have no idea. For years I’ve heard rumors from countless sources telling me everything from that there are couches in there to that the toilets are made from crystal. Are the stall doors wallpapered in gold? Because I’ve heard that too. From the information that I’ve gathered here’s what I can tell you about this elusive place.

As you walk in your feet are met with red velvet carpet and a shirtless doorman is there to greet you as your ears are filled with low tempo jazz. To your right is a wall lined with pink feather boas as well as a full length mirror that is curved to make even the most grotesque of women feel flattered. On your left are three sinks in a solid diamond countertop. The sinks, rather than pumping ordinary water, stream out a mixture of Evian and Fiji waters that is soft to the touch. Looking to your far left are automatic dispensers holding every fragrance of hand and foot lotion available. To your far right is a single stall, with a French door rather than the steel one we are used too. Occupying the single stall is a line of at least 12 other women waiting to use it as well, all of them tapping their feet impatiently. Once inside the stall, instead of racist/ call this number for a good time messages, the walls are lined with Robert Frost poems. As you use the stall a midget is present to rub your feet for you and a speaker behind you whispers sweet nothings into your ear.

Well that’s all I know and from all the research I’ve done I can tell its pretty much fact. After all, this may explain why they always go in groups.

What I'm Watching This Weekend

This is what I’ll be (and consequently you should be) watching this weekend. Unfortunately both the NBA and NHL wrapped up their seasons this week, so MLB will have to suffice until football starts in September. Congrats to the Miami Heat and Hartford Whalers (wink/wink) on their titles.

Friday:

Try to catch The Soup on E! and Best Week Ever on VH1 for your weekend fix of pop culture commentary. I’d also watch Web Junk if they tossed out Patrice Oneal. Traditionally Fridays are slow television nights and even more traditionally summers are slow for television, so you do the math for Summer Fridays.

Saturday:

Saturdays have always sucked for T.V (unless it’s some kind of sports). You should probably go out or something.

Sunday:

Repeats or not Sundays used to belong to The Simpson’s, which I quit watching like 3 years ago. So if there’s a new episode of that on you should probably watch it, I honestly have no idea. Instead of watching any T.V before 10 o’clock on Sunday, I’ll probably be wondering what’s going to happen on Entourage on HBO at 10. Will Aquaman break the record for the biggest opening ever? Will Ari finally get a blowjob from his wife? Will Turtle screw that chick he thought was in high school? Only one of these questions will probably be answered on Sunday, but you should watch anyway.

btw, Lucky Louie and Tourgasm are on afterwards, so yeah whatever.

WTFnews?!

-EntertainmentWise is reporting that Britney Spears is planning on designing her own baby clothing-line. Will she be designing a helmet to Britney-proof her baby as well?

-Local Australian governments are close to instituting zoning restrictions that will prevent brothels from operating within 200 meters of a cemetery, Yahoo! reports. Meanwhile I’ll be scrapping my plans for the best Australian vacation ever.

-David Copperfield has told Pagesix.com that he plans to impregnate a woman on stage. "There is a great deal of new territory to conquer. I'm going to make a girl pregnant. Naturally there will be no sex.” Key word in that statement is naturally.

Some Links:

Tetris Finals

Spider-Man and You

Anyone Going to Care About This?

Very Cool Video of an iTunes Plug-in

Happy Birthday Mom!

Where Do They Find These People?

The American weight loss industry is a multi-billion dollar a year industry. Americans are so concerned about their appearance much more than their health and when this kind of money is involved you can bet that there are millions of dollars associated with advertising it. However, there’s one aspect of weight loss advertising that I’ve never understood.

Where do they cast these overweight people for print and internet advertising?

The picture above is an example of a story that appeared on Yahoo! on Monday June 19, 2006. This man’s obese face is gleefully about to chow on a drumstick. Honestly, it’s probably the happiest face I’ve ever seen. However, when you’re cast into a role that is described as ‘Looking for overweight white male who looks overly excited when presented with fried chicken’, it may be tuning you into something. Just maybe.

Tourgasm, It's Got to Go.

I tuned into HBO on Sunday June 11^th, 2006 to check out one of my favorite shows of the summer Entourage as well as to check out the premiere of Lucky Louie and Tourgasm. As always Entourage was brilliant and Lucky Louie was a refreshing take on your run of the mill sitcom. However, I was troubled by Tourgasm.

What I expected from this show was an insight into the day to day lives of one of the top comedians in America and three up and comers as they were on a nationwide tour. What I got was a lot of drama and whining which left me feeling like I had just watched an episode of The Real World or Laguna Beach rather than seeing four friends enjoy a trip together. I cannot help but get the feeling that had the cameras not been there, things would have gone down differently and the show comes off as unbearably sweet and bubble-gummy, with a moral lesson at the end of each episode. For example, I don’t need to watch a half hour episode about why and how Gary Gulman was late for lunch on day 6 in Missouri. I really don’t give a damn. Now give me a half hour of Gary Gulman on stage, doing what he does best, let me know and I’ll tune in. Tourgasm is remarkably like an episode of Full-House, it begins with some type of argument between the four of them, and eventually at the end they all hug and the show cuts off with a pull-away shot of their bus with everyone learning some sort of lesson.

Try not to get me wrong, Dane Cook, Robert Kelly, Gary Gulman, and Jay Davis are all brilliant comedians. I’ve seen each of them live, listened to them on the radio and television and I would recommend absolutely anyone who appreciates their art to go out and see them. However, for everything that these four bring to the stage with their standup, they take away from television with Tourgasm.

Prepare Yourself

I have a game for you, a game that you play on your computer but has real life consequences. It will be a game where you will need to jeopardize your email address, personal information, and probably the livelihood of your computer. However, the rewards are more than worth it. Are you ready for the “Win a Free Insert Trendy Electronics Here Game”?

If you think you’re ready then you need to start at a website that claims to be funny but is actually full of free electronics FUN. Here’s an example. (Don’t mind the porn I blocked out) Right there you can win a free PSP. Omghowisthattrue you ask? Well there’s a catch, are you MAN enough to hit 10 ducks? Apparently Everyfreegift doesn’t think so.

After you’ve won your free PSP by giving away your name, home address, home phone number, cell phone number, mother’s maiden name, social security number, passport, driver’s license number, your place of birth, your ATM pin, your bank account number, credit and debit card numbers, the VIN number on your car, and your IP and MAC addresses feel free to head over here for your next electronic. Oh, and don’t mind those popups or slow computer speed you may be experiencing, it’s just your computer reacting to how awesome you are for shooting the ten ducks.

Here you find ebaumsworld is giving away 10 free ringtones and all you have to do is rid their homepage of that pesky duck that’s been flying around. Thanks for the opportunity Eric Bauman! What’s that? A small puff of smoke just came out of the back of your computer and all you can see is a blue screen? That just means that your computer cannot handle how awesome your new ringtones and PSP are and has decided to sacrifice itself to Satan, good work.

Relax though, all is not lost. Thankfully you were greeted with this offer as you left ebaumsworld.com. So you can now use your free laptop to get yourself that iPod you’ve been chasing after. Getting your iPod is very simple; just register and send emails to everyone you know asking them to sign up for Maxim and Stuff Magazine subscriptions. It’s only $19.99 for the whole year. And once they sign up, they have to get three of their friends to subscribe and after FreeIpods can made a few thousand dollars off subscriptions (and a few thousand more from selling your personal information to advertising companies who specialize in spam and popups) you’ll get your mp3 player. Don’t worry about alienating your friends and family by mailing them advertisements that can lead to identity theft, you won’t need them once you get your hands on that iPod.

Something That Just Crossed My Mind

Now I really really like Google Video. Despite its somewhat poor picture quality it beats File Front or any other file distribution site as long as you're only there for movies. Additionally Google Video is much more accessible than any similar site before it, which is both good and bad. Here's an equation to demonstrate what I'm getting to:

accessibility=popularity=people who haven't seen something before=old fads being brought back when they should have died months ago.

The stuff you've seen on there has probably been passed through YTMND or ABS months and in this specific case, years ago. What I'm talking about is Mentos+Diet Coke. Out of the Google Video top 100 videos, ten are Mentos+Diet Coke in some way, whether it's the girl exploding from drinking the two together, or a choreographed fountain, it's there, it's always the same and it was also wtfkewl in 2001. So please Google Video moderators, edit together a compilation or limit it in some way so we can get see something new.

And if you're the person creating the videos, the car fire is that way --->

Comedy Central broke into American households in 1991 and over the last 15 years the network has gone from complete obscurity to something each and every one of us probably talks or at least thinks about daily. In those 15 years many shows have come and gone through the Comedy Central lineup, with more failures than successes. Shows like ‘Dr. Katz Professional Therapist’ and ‘Win Ben Steins Money’ are modern classics which may never been seen again. However, out of the dozens of failures over at Comedy Central, these five stand out as my personal favorite:

5. Lets Bowl. Picked up from a local cable show out of Minnesota, similar to The Tom Green Show or Jackass, Let’s Bowl featured two ordinary people settle petty disputes over a game of bowling. The show premiered on Comedy Central in 2001 and ran for only one season. Let’s Bowl featured segments such as ‘In The Pin’ where one of the hosts (Wally and Chopper) would interview the bowlers in a claustrophobia inducing oversized pin. Following the game the winner would bowl against the coveted ‘league bowler’, which was some kind of deity in the Let’s Bowl universe. The regular bowler and the league bowler competed for only the most useless of prizes including used lawn mowers and gift certificates to stores that were closed. Where you can see it now: there are several online petitions for a DVD release of the complete series but nothing is finalized.

4. That’s My Bush. From the creators of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, was this sitcom that parodied the day-to-day life of President George W. Bush and ran from April-June 2001. The shows used classic sitcom elements such as the crazy neighbor, stupid daughter, and know it all housekeeper. The show was canned permanently in June 2001 because of production costs. Where you can see it now: there are rumors of a Fall 2006 DVD release of the complete series.

3. Insomniac with Dave Attell. Followed the misadventures of comedian Dave Attell as he traveled the streets of some of America’s biggest cities; visiting bars, strip clubs and landmarks in cities such as New Orleans, Houston, and Cleveland. The meat of the show came in Dave’s encounters with the late-nighters of the city which ranged from drag queens to biker gangs. The show also spawned a nationwide standup comedy tour visiting colleges and other venues across the country. Insomniac with Dave Attell ran for four seasons from 2001-2003 and also has 6 one-hour specials from international cities such as Tokyo and Amsterdam. Where you can see it now: All four seasons are available on DVD.

2. Stella. From the moment I saw the first episode of Stella I knew I was watching pure genius in action. The stars (David Wain, Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter) had a chemistry which I had never seen before. It was wacky, smart and had a rhythm to it that most comedy troupes could only dream of duplicating. The show followed the three as they made huge issues out of asinine scenarios. I also knew that the show would fail and I needed to enjoy it while I could. The trio’s comedy does not translate well from their short films and standup to the small screen. With the addition of a decent sized budget and sets the trio just didn’t have the same feel on T.V as they did on stage. However, the show was hilarious if you enjoyed the kind of humor they sell and if you’re not one of those people who enjoys their type of humor then perhaps you are living a life without rainbows or the sun. Stella was canned after only 10 episodes. Where can you see it now: Reruns are VERY rare on Comedy Central but the entire first season will be released on DVD in Fall 2006. Stella’s original shorts can be found at collegehumor.com

1. Mystery Science Theater 3000. Hands down one of the funniest shows of this generation. Created by Joel Hodgson in 1988 MST3K showcased a stranded astronaut (creator Joel Hodgson) and a cast of his robot friends as they were forced to watch horrible B-movies from the 1960’s 70’s and 80’s. The format presented Joel and the robots (Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot) as silhouettes aboard the Satellite of Love as they quipped and joked their way through awful movie after movie. In 1993 Joel left the show and was replaced by Mike Nelson. The show was never truly cancelled on Comedy Central; rather the rights to the show were sold to the Sci-Fi channel in 1996 as Comedy Central began to grow. The series continued on Sci-Fi until 1999 and reruns were run until early 2004. Where can you see it now: There was a feature film release in 1996 and there are also several DVD releases currently with more on the horizon.

How the Internet Ruined Tone and Sarcasm

The age of the internet had brought about things like MySpace and AIM as primary forms of communication. The spoken word is becoming less and less important in today’s world, which is unfortunate because many people do not realize what is lost when a message is read rather than heard.

‘d00d chek 0ut my5p4ce!1’ is an example of how popular communication is today.

As people grow up on this type of communication they may not develop the skills to recognize tone and body language and their meanings. For example, the other day I sitting around drinking with some friends, pretty innocent, until I became a victim of misreading the tone of someone’s voice (or them using the incorrect tone).

I heard “Dude, c’mere!!” and I react as though something terrible has happened. Like his dog was dead or he had just shit his pants, something along those lines. But, he was just showing me some dumb flash game on the internet. I had just become a victim of improper use of tone. /wrists

So keep in mind the double meaning of just about everything, ‘dude c’mere’ could mean either or in some cases BOTH of 2 things:

1. Dude c’mere, check out this hot chick.

2. Dude c’mere, you’re in immediate danger.

Other Sites Do Funny Things Too

In case you don't know what YTMND is (how dare you) it's probably one of the most hilariously random and most of all ORIGINAL sites on the net these days, think newgrounds or ebaumsworld 5 or 6 years ago before they stopped creating any original content.

Usually I have a nice little original article during the week, but today I'm reserving the update for an awesome display of e-balls from YTMND. Recently YTMND received a cease and desist letter from the Church of Scientology because of some of the content hosted by YTMND used images which the church claimed to be copyrighted. In response to the letter, Max Goldberg (webmaster and creator of YTMND) called the allegations brought forth by the Church of Scientology to be groundless and completely redesigned the site around the content which the ceae and desist letter demanded to be removed. Epeen +10.

Dear My Soon To Be Nerdy Friends

So you just graduated from high school and you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Hooray, I don’t have to care about being liked or popular anymore because all people do at college is smoke weed and play hacky sack all day.” Sorry my friend, you’re wrong. You will still have to keep up appearances in an all new society, one where the people are more judgmental, less patient, and much much more attractive. Welcome to the Internet.

You may think to yourself, “No, way man. I never spend time on the Internet, only nerds sit in front of their computers all day.” You’d be dead wrong. I don’t care how many sports you played or how many chicks you screwed in high school, once you move into that dorm your internet productivity will at least triple, if not octuple. And just like high school it’s going to be important for you to be as well liked and popular as possible. First thing you should know is that we are currently approaching the year 3PMS (Three years post the creation of MySpace) in July 2006. To make sure you know exactly where you stand, here’s a point tracking guide so you can know your e-popularity.

• Owning a MySpace +1 point
• Having an equal comment:friend ratio. +3 points
• Having a positive comment:friend ratio. +5 points
• Picture Comments +1 point/comment
• Combined contacts over all IM programs +1 point for everyone you actually talk to, -1 point for everyone you don’t, and -1 point for everyone’s away message you check obsessively. Additionally add +2 points for everyone that checks your away message obsessively.
• If you have a more expansive knowledge of acronyms than the person you’re talking to give yourself +5 points. No1 on thr intrnt talks in fll sntnces.
• +1 point for every time you can fit “leave some love” into a bulletin.

Remember that lying on the Internet is way easier than IRL (In Real Life, you should get used to these). If I say that I’m “16/f/USA looking for older man to teach me right” or “14/m/Cambodia VERY curious” why shouldn’t you believe me? Lying on the Internet doesn’t only limit you to lying about your age/sex; you can also make up details about your life. ‘Occupation: Freelance Scientist’ is a favorite of mine, what girl wouldn’t want to date a scientist who plays by his own rules?

Why I Hate One of the Most Popular Sports in America

NASCAR, stock car racing, the fastest growing sport in America. It has grown from near obscurity 10 years ago to widespread popularity today. I’m not here to argue, like some, that NASCAR, Indy car racing, or anything similar isn’t a sport. It most certainly is a sport, it requires as much skill, training, dedication, and physical prowess as basketball, baseball, soccer, whatever. Driving a car, we all do it everyday, but it’s no where near the level that these guys/gals do, my hat if off.

I am here however to argue that NASCAR, in my opinion, is above all else BORING.

“But d0od do you see how fast they’re going, its crazy!!’

Yes, we all know they drive very fast and that’s cool. But I want everyone to think way way back to eight grade physics class. What’s the first thing that you learn? It’s that speed and the way you recognize it is relative to the surroundings that you see. This means that if I’m watching NASCAR on T.V, I could be looking at cars going 200 miles per hour or I could be looking at cars going 20 miles per hour, I have no idea. Now if there were cars driving 200 mph and then throw in me going about 65 in my Jetta, there’s some interesting television for you.

And lose the whole circle thing, throw in some jumps and include wild animals somehow, maybe then I’ll watch.

A&E: Arts and Explosions

A&E, the channel I would always skip across from childhood through most of college. My knowledge of this network was minimal, all I knew was that my parents watched it a whole lot which meant I was steering clear. It turned out I was right, up until about 2 years ago A&E’s schedule was similar to this:

12:00am-6:00am: Biography

6:00am-7:00am: Night at the Improv

7:00am-12:00am: Biography

No way this programming lineup has enough explosions to keep me entertained. However, today’s A&E is totally different. Shows like Inked and Criss Angel Mindfreak have completely changed what this channel is all about. If you’re just now ready to begin your journey down the path of A&E, here’s a quick guide to get you stated.

Inked: Remember the real quiet guy from The Surreal Life? Well he’s back and not so quiet this time around. The show is filmed at a real life tattoo parlor in Las Vegas, making the show less about tattoos and more about 20-somethings living in Las Vegas with disposable incomes.

King of Cars: Reality show about rapper turned T.V producer turned music producer turned car salesman Chopper, who operates the #1 new and used car dealership in the United States. In order to attract customers he employs a cast of characters including a blue genie and drag queens among others. He also hosts a weekly infomercial that plays out more like a variety show that an advertisement.

Dog the Bounty Hunter: Another reality show about the day to day life of Hawaiian bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman. He has a team of sidekicks made up of his new wife and his sons, who make this ensemble by far the most unattractive combination of human beings on T.V.

Criss Angel Mindfreak: Not really a reality show, more of a series of demonstrations by illusionist Criss Angel, who looks a lot like Jesus without a beard and worked out 6 days a week. He can teach you some really practical stuff, like how to saw your girlfriend in half, how to telepathically slit your wrist to remove that pesky quarter under your skin and how to sit on a bed of nails while a hummer drives on your chest. Check out some previews of his stuff on Google video.

Real Snakes on Real Planes are Real Awesome

This article isn’t about the upcoming Samuel L. Jackson movie Snakes on a Plane. Which is destined to be the blockbuster of the summer as well as the greatest piece of cinematic art ever made. No, this is about life imitating art, life imitating the most awesome art ever.

A Yahoo! article tells the tale of Monty Coles, a 62 year old pilot from West Virginia who was casually flying his small plane when he was greeted with a four and a half foot snake. (I don’t know what’s scarier, a 62 year old West Virginia man going for a spin in his airplane, or the fact that he’s flying with snakes) Monty responded to his snake on his plane much like anyone else would, he punched it in the face and grabbed it around its throat. Samuel L. Jackson would probably have used a combination lightsabers and cocaine, but whatever works for you.

Everyday Irony

Two months ago I was waiting outside one of my classes’ just bullshitting with people when I spotted an interesting flyer. I would post a picture of this flyer; however it was taken down by the time I returned with a camera, however it read the following:

LOOKING FOR 18-21 YEAR OLD COLLEGE STUDENTS

TO PARTICIPATE IN A UNIVERSITY STUDY ON GAMBLING

$50 UPON SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF THIS STUDY

CONTACT: xxx-xxxx

Go ahead and chew on that for awhile.

Snorlax > You

Found this gem on YouTube via YTMND. Here

Park Ranger: The Job For You?

Park Ranger: The Job For You?

Being a park ranger, unattainable dream for most, reality for very very few. Two summers ago I had an opportunity to work as a park ranger, I thought to myself; “has my life peaked at 19”. It turned out that it had, but that is besides the point. Despite the seemingly amazing opportunity to act as Law and Order for a state park I thought long and hard about the issues that being a park ranger would bring.

1. Missing picnic baskets.

We all know where missing picnic baskets end up, I think I’ll pass on a face off with a grizzly over a pork chop sandwich.

2. Drowning

drowning totally sucks.

3. Mountain Lion Attacks

being attacked by a mountain lion totally sucks.

4. Forest Fires

if I ever saw a forest, which is slightly frightening when it isn’t on fire, fully engulfed in flames I’d probably quit immediately.

5. Patrolling Remote Areas

trolls live in remote areas.

Despite these concerns I prepared myself for the park ranger interview. Most people know what to expect from your average job interview, but interviewing for a job as a park ranger interview is no ordinary job. So I thought to myself, ‘what would be the best way to prepare for this.’ I immediately knew that I had to grow a beard for the sake of appearing more rugged.

So my rugged beard and I walked into that interview, not knowing what was ahead of us. I introduced myself and my beard and the first question the interviewer asked me was, “how are you with a bow and arrow?” I replied, “never picked up one in my life.” So my career as a park ranger lasted all of 15 seconds, the best 15 seconds of my life.

Wikipedia: Genius Idea

en·cy·clo·pe·di·a

A comprehensive reference work containing articles on a wide range of subjects or on numerous aspects of a particular field, usually arranged alphabetically.

From this definition, drawing particularly from the words “comprehensive” and “reference” one might assume that wikipedia would contain accurate information on the literally millions of subjects covered on their site. Wikipedia see’s things in a different light, drawing from transcripts of Wikipedia developmental meetings, I can summarize the thought process that went into it.

Guy #1: Hey, you know who’s a really reliable and trustworthy source for an online encyclopedia?

Guy #2: Who?

Guy #1: Random people on the internet.

There it is. Since I am now officially influenced by Wikipedia, I will be opening my own strictly user created medical dictionary and diagnostics guide for everyone, titled “Sock’s Strictly User Created Medical Dictionary and Diagnostics Guide for Everyone, No Doctors Allowed”. Look for that in the coming weeks.

Room Raiders Makes Dating = Easy

MTV's 'Room Raiders', an afternoon and late night staple on the popular cable television network has been a favorite of mine for a couple of years now. No, not because of the hot girls (which there are usually plenty of) or its staggering relevance to all things music but because of how the show has single handedly changed dating and first impressions in today's generation.

Now instead of working out and being in shape, all I have to do is own an iPod and a pair of sneakers and women will automatically assume so. Same goes for being funny or interesting, if I hang a funny or interesting picture in my room I am by association with that picture, funny and interesting. This logic also works for human sacrifice, if I keep a vial of my own blood in my room then I'm way into human sacrifice, 'that's hot' or it could be seen as egotistical. Dating is confusing, especially on TV.

Here's a random Japanese video! YouTube