Chain Letters

IN 1984 ON THIS VERY NIGHT A SMALL GIRL WENT INTO THE FOREST AND SHE DECIDED TO TAKE A DUMP AND THEN A GHOST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND SNAPPED THE GIRLS NECK BECAUSE SHE WAS A JEW. LEGENDS SAY THE GHOST STILL ROAMS THE FOREST TO THIS DAY.

IF YOU DO NOT REPOST THIS IN 5 MINUTES THEN THE GHOHST WILL ATTACK YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR MOM WILL GET SCARED AND SAY "YOU'RE MOVIN WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND UNCLE IN BEL-AIR"

I WHISTLED FOR A CAB AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR THE LISENCEPLATE SAID "FRESH" ADN THERE WERE DICE IN THE MIRROR. IF ANYTHING I COULD SAY THAT THIS CAB WAS RARE BUT I THOUGHT "NAW, FORGET IT, YO HOLMES, TO BEL-AIR!!" I PULLED UP TO THE HOUSE AT ABOUT 7 OR 8 AND I YELLED OUT TO THE CABBIE "YO HOLMES, SMELL YA LATER!" LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM I WAS FINALLY THERE, TO SETTLE MY THRONE AS THE PRINCE OF BEL-AIR.

I received this letter today on MySpace and was immediately appalled. What happened to the chain letters of old? Interesting stories will REAL results, like that $5,000 my parents told me I got when I was sleeping when I was 8.

Let’s keep it real here. 90% of people on MySpace, including myself, have never seen the year 1984. In fact, anything I know about 1984 I learned on “I Love the 80’s”; hell, I don’t even know if there were Jews in 1984, or girls for that matter. For all I know girls were genetically designed and released on May 11^th, 1985 because of the success of Cabbage Patch dolls.

Chain letters also used to have a slight hint of believability to them. An anti-semantic ghost wandering around an inconspicuous forest snapping the necks of girls taking a ‘dump’ has more than likely never happened. And even if it had, the writer of this chain letter continues with:

IF YOU DO NOT REPOST THIS IN 5 MINUTES THEN THE GHOHST WILL ATTACK YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR MOM WILL GET SCARED AND SAY "YOU'RE MOVIN WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND UNCLE IN BEL-AIR"

Seriously, if there’s an anti-semantic ghost running around the forest snapping the necks of unsuspecting Jewish girls, this is no time for jokes; especially incredibly played out jokes in reference to a decade-old sitcom.