Let's Go Drinkin

Oh how our world has changed!  In just the last century we've gone from one of the drunkest presidents of all time, Teddy Roosevelt, to prohibition and then back to a laissez faire attitude in this country concerning drinking.  Now today we're back to the point where organizations like MADD have given drinking a much worse rap than it deserves.

Let us decipher the name Mothers Against Drunk Driving:

1. Mothers.  That implies that somewhere within this organization women are involved somewhere in some capacity.

2. Against. Against can be an okay word on its own until women are involved.  Once you give a woman something to complain about you can be sure that there will be lots of crying and bickering involved.  Their complaining will ultimately lead to men being involved because eventually they will be forced to agree to end the nagging.

3. Drunk Men. Whenever you see an ad on television warning against drunk driving and how the police are cracking down ten times out of ten it's a man being arrested.  Men are always the slothful, irresponsible ones who are always drinking one too many before heading home, while women get to have glamorous cocaine addictions and eating disorders.  I call bullshit.  In fact I'm going to rename this section 'Men'.

4. Driving.  90% of women can't drive sober, who are they to decide who is allowed and who isn't allowed to drive home from the bar.

So now Mothers Against Drunk Driving is officially known as Mothers Against Men Driving; which is what it really is.  It's organizations like this that degrade the good name of drinking and are unable to associate the delicious consumption of alcohol with anything except for sex and violence.

For example: Why is it the rule of thumb that if you do something horrible while drinking (like burning down an orphanage) you automatically have a drinking problem?  Whatever happened to the guy that burns down an orphanage just being an asshole?  If this situation were to actually happen the news headline would probably look something like this:

DRUNK MAN BURNS DOWN ORPHANAGE!

When it should probably look more like this:

ASSHOLE KILLS A BUNCH OF KIDS!

Now I ask this of you: What if I'm driving home drunk one night when I stumble across a burning bus that just happens to be filled with nuns.  Empowered by my extreme inebriation I'm able to save each and every one of them.  What would the headline read then?