The Anatomy of a Kennedy

The Kennedy family is one of the few political ‘dynasties’ in American history. The family has been well known in Massachusetts politics since the 1940’s and a prominent force in American politics since the 1960’s with the Presidential election of John F. Kennedy. What makes the members of this family so much more charismatic, charming, and intelligent than your everyday family of powerful politicians? It’s in their anatomy and by that I mean their high cheek bones, ultra furrow brows, and puffy hair that defies all logic. After about 32 hours of research by myself and my colleagues; we have narrowed down four essential anatomical features for all members of the Kennedy family.

1. To be a Kennedy your head must be at least the size of a regulation men’s basketball, no exceptions.

2. Your arms must be robust and strong enough to swim your self out of a submerged car and onto land. Consequently your arms will be so tired afterward that you cannot call the police for ten hours.

3. A Kennedy’s mouth must be large enough to hold both a bottle of Ambient and whiskey at the same time, once again no exceptions. The phrases ‘ummm’ and ‘I’m thinking’ can never be heard from a Kennedy’s mouth as well, instead they will be replaced by ‘errr—a’.

4. A Kennedy’s fingers must be powerful enough to give strong handshakes as well as strike fear into the opposition as you stare down their index finger. Either way, these hotdog-like appendages mean business.