I'm an American Indian

 

Actually, no I'm not.  I'm the furthest thing from an American Indian, Native American, Choctaw, Cherokee or whatever.  I am however, sick an tired of people I know using their supposed Native American heritage as a right of passage to act however they want.  Here are a few examples of convenient times that people tend to bring up their Native American heritage.

1. Talking to girls.  That friend of yours, who you've known for your whole life, will somehow make the startling revelation that he is infact an American Indian when meeting chicks.  What a weird coincidence that he didn't realize he was Native American before this moment.  Here's a tip hotshot, girls don't care if your Native American or not, unless of course the girl is Native American and even that's not a guarantee. 

2.  Getting a tattoo.  Most people that claim to be of Native American heritage feel the need to get a tattoo representing the tribe that they feel they're a part of.  Did American Indians also get their tattoo's at a dingy place downtown where you could score coke and a blowjob next door?

3.  When you're sick.  Whenever you're sick and can't afford a doctors appointment, your Native American friend is always there to offer his advice.  Usually the advice consists of paying an expensive visit to his Uncle-in-law twice removed who just happens to be a shaman of some type.  There you'll enjoy a mixture of roots, green tea, and deer's blood that's guaranteed to make you feel like a million bucks... or as if your small intestine is trying to escape through your anus.  It all depends on your reaction to the deer's blood.

The fact of the matter is that many of the people you know who claim they are Native American aren't at all or have a VERY small amount of Native American 'blood' in them; and that blood actually comes from that guy your mother met after her divorce when she had that drinking problem.  Then again, it all depends on your reaction to the deer's blood.