Review of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Last night I was treated to a midnight screening of the new film Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest and I have to admit it was fantastic on about every possible level. Although some scenes were a little drawn out, I would absolutely recommend this film to anyone with a soul.

The movie starts out with the Caribbean having been taken over by 18^th century socialists. Yeah, I totally didn’t see that one coming either. William Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightley) have been taken captive for their crimes against the Supreme Chancellor Beckett (Tom Hollander) and helping capitalist Captain Jack Sparrow escape to safety. Despite his absolute authority throughout the Caribbean, Chancellor Beckett sees trouble with letting Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) live and charges Will with seeking out Jack and returning him or he and his fiancé face certain death.

So along with a newly introduced character in the form of a half-man half-dolphin named Murphy, Will sets off onto a Caribbean road trip that’s sure to make for the best post-graduation summer ever! Will and Murphy first encounter a group of Caribbean natives and are quick to befriend them. You see, these natives have had their banana crop destroyed by the socialists and face extermination if they don’t hand over their first born sons to the regime; it’s this animosity that leads to the natives aligning themselves with Will and Murphy to bring Jack Sparrow back to Port Royal.

Meanwhile, Jack is off in Mexico wanting to ‘Get away from it all’ and is writing his memoirs in hopes of leading a revolution back to the Caribbean and bring capitalism back to the masses. Through a tip from an unlikely source Will, Murphy and the natives track Jack down in Mexico in their bamboo helicopters and slaughter anyone who gets in their way, included the mythical shark army. Despite William’s plea to Jack from him to return to Port Royal, Jack refuses because he has not yet finished his scathing memoir on the flaws in socialism.

In the meantime Supreme Chancellor Beckett has grown impatient with William and the return of Jack Sparrow. In order to expedite his discovery he hires an elite group of assassins known only as ‘Mantrain’ to find Jack, Will, and Murphy and kill them immediately.

At that point in the movie I was so overcome with excitement and glee that the blood capillaries burst is both my eyes, rendering me permanently blind. I now have to write my blog using voice recognition software and a microphone. Thanks a lot Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, you’ve ruined my life.