I’ve been inspired. And my muse is not what you think it would be (although I wish it was Selma Hayek or that girl from that Albert Brooks movie). Instead my muse is right here on my face, it’s my new beard.

Now I have a love/hate relationship with the new fuzz. It makes me look manlier as well as giving me something to stroke when I’m thinking, similar to another part of my body. However, at the same time it burns late at night and it occasionally makes me want to die; also similar to another part of my body. So I did what I always do when I have something new to think about. I look it up on Wikipedia. Now just because I wrote a scathing article about the free online encyclopedia doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy reading it (for example, I spent my last Sunday, when I was very hung over, reading about Jedi for about three hours). However, I found something troubling on Wikipedia when it came to beards; which was a book written by Allan Peterkin titled One Thousand Beards.

This book claims to chronicle the history of beards throughout civilization, but I wouldn’t know because I never got past the title (not to mention that I didn’t actually buy the book, I rather just looked at the cover picture on Wikipedia) because of the picture in the bottom right corner. Now out of all the beard styles in the world, why in the world would you select the Adolf Hitler for the cover picture? Especially with the legendary burnside being left out in a surprise turn of events.

In conclusion, beards are awesome in just about every possible way, unless your beard is universally associated with genocide and world domination.