I Recommend

I recommend…

To the City of Boston. The Big Dig cost $15,000,000,000 to build and its principle purpose was to add a more direct route to the airport from outside of Boston. I recommend that you return the Big Dig and use that 15 billion to build 4 new airports.

To the first Russian person I ever meet. I recommend that you say ‘Moose and Squirrel’ immediately, if you don’t I’m going to ask you to over and over.

To girls on MySpace. Quit hiding your ugly faces behind a pair of giant sunglasses, if your face is too hideous to be seen on the internet, don’t post it.

To the heat wave in the northeast. Seriously quit it, or I will wage a war against Mother Nature that this world has never seen the likes of.

To police stations with officers on bikes/rollerblades or any other recreation device. If all I have to do is run away on grass/into the woods/down a steep hill to get away from you, perhaps I’ll commit more crimes.